Rescue Mission

New Years 2012

2012-01-03T19:50:00.000-08:00

It's a New Year again, and time for a status check. It was two years ago, in January 2010 that I made my initial resolution to lose weight and live healthier. So let's see how I'm doing against my original objectives.

Lose Weight - The first year (2010), I finally lost 5 pounds in the late summer but then re-gained it by the end of year, being overwhelmed with work and my husband's frequent business travels. In 2011, I took up stationery cycling at night for the first few months, which got me off to a good start, before I got bogged down with several rounds of neck problems. I also dropped to 4 days per week of work, but spent most of my Fridays running errands or getting frustrated with my housekeeper who was inclined to cancel on me without warning, and answering emails or calls from the office. In June 2011, I discovered a belly dance class which I attended with my 12-year-old daughter (and still do!). This has been a significant positive influence in my life. By the end of the year, I achieved a 10 pound drop in my weight, which I have been able to keep off for a couple of months now. So time to set my target for the next 10 pounds.

Increase Flexibility - The belly dance class has been AMAZING for me. I have learned so many good stretching exercises, which I have been able to incorporate into my everyday life (especially before going to bed, or on awaking feeling stiff). I have learned some of the early warning signs of my neck and shoulder problems, and some of the stretches which can prevent me from getting myself into serious pain. Looking back in my medical receipts, I see that I have been able to avoid visiting either of my chiropractors since July! This is VERY good. I hope to continue this trend into 2011, and continue to heed the warning signs, and one day even avoid the stupid things I do (yes, I am a workaholic) which get me into trouble in the first place.

Increase Stamina - Hmmm, not good. Although my daughter and I love our 4 pet rats we started collecting in April 2010 dearly, I finally admitted to myself after a year of coughing and finally wheezing, that I was allergic to them, and asked my doctor for confirmation. I have been on asthma meds ever since, which has controlled the symptoms, but I am sadly aware that I am operating on a somewhat reduced lung capacity. I get winded much more quickly, and in addition to my 2 puffs per day, I need to puff before going on walks or any other type of vigorous exercise. For my daughter's sake, I hope it is a long time from now, but when they are gone, we will not be replacing them. Hopefully I can go back to a relatively "normal" life after that.

Become Pain Free - Thanks to the belly dance classes, I have gained a lot of core strength in my tummy and back, and have learned more effective ways to stretch out the neck, shoulders and back before getting into too much pain.

Kick-Start my Thyroid - I have not been tested recently, but I seem to be pretty fine on my reduced dose of Synthroid, thanks to the natural supplement Thyrosmart, by Lorna Vanderhaege. It is one of those awful big capsules which I don't enjoy swallowing, but it has been effective for me, so I highly recommend it.

When I started, I set out some strategies for myself. How are these going, and are these strategies I will continue?

Find a sustainable exercise program - Belly dance once per week. And recently my husband and I have started walking a few nights per week, after the kids are in bed. We walk for over an hour each time, up and down the hills (there are no level streets where we live), so it is a good work out. But more importantly, it has done wonders for our relationship. We finally have a chance to talk, and even if it is about work most of the time, it has been very helpful to me to have this opportunity.

Introduce natural foods - Not so good. Mostly quick meals, or eating out. 4 out of 5 weekdays we have lessons or other activities after school/work, so it doesn't leave me much time for cooking. I am usually driving home with little time to spare before turning around & going out again. Then on top of it, my daughter is inclined to become a vegetarian (except her mom won't permit her to), so is even less interested in anything I know how to cook, and I haven't taken the time to learn new vegetarian cooking methods yet. Perhaps it would be a good time for her to learn some?

Learn what hunger really feels like - Hmmm, still largely reactionary eating. But I am trying to think of drinking water or eating fruit or other alternatives, when I feel the urge. This area needs more attention.

Stay off the scales - This worked for a while, but on the flip side I also found that stepping on the scales every morning worked for me also. If I was a good weight, I would be encouraged. If I was a higher weight, it was a wake-up call for me to pay more attention that day. Somewhat inspired by the book "The Jerusalem Diet", which was written by a church pastor. He used this basic principle (but was more disciplined on his diet days), and also the principle that some days life just happens (like he was invited to someone's house for dinner, or to a celebration), and you shouldn't beat yourself up on account of it. Just be diligent again the next day. I like that.

Be patient - Ha, I guess I'm that. Still here 2 years later recording my efforts in this blog. Not very determined, I guess, but patient with myself.

I didn't have this original strategy for myself, but I think I want to add one more:

Feel good about yourself and about life - My challenges revolve around neglecting myself in favour of my family (as I'm sure all moms will relate to), and in favour of my work & company. The belly dance has been a wonderful way to enjoy something for myself, as well as enjoy the evening bonding with my daughter. I need to continue the walks with my husband, since I finally feel like he has an opportunity to listen to me, and share ideas with me also. Recently, I gave up hope in having a housekeeper. For some while, she was coming for 2 hours on Fridays, but since it was mid-day, it tied me up from accomplishing errands outside the house (leaving me feeling locked in), or from enjoying time with friends or family, or by myself, for that matter. Then when she kept cancelling on me with too short of notice to make other plans, I finally (on advice from a few different people - it took a while for a it to sink in!) asked her not to come any more. Since then, it has been a great relief to me to have Fridays pretty much "free". I started going out with my sister for lunch, we will try for once every 1 or 2 months (which is really good, since it took almost 15 years of married life before I finally had the first lunch out with her!). I have a couple of friends I may also start seeing for lunch on Fridays also. This has given me something fun to look forward to, and to feel good about life and who I am (not just as a mom or employee or company founder). I hope to also take up more gardening and creative activites in the spring/summer. That always brightens my mood, and when I am feeling good about myself, I tend to take better care of my body too.

I hope that I will have some positive experiences this year to share and inspire you. If you are on a mission to look and feel better and are blogging about it, please let me know, so I can follow along with you too. Or drop a note about what strategies you are finding helpful. Happy 2012, everyone!

Cleaning House

2011-09-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

I thank God today for the belly dancing, and for good friends with timely advice.

The belly dancing has been really fantastic for me in many ways. Most notably, my lower back has been much better since I started dancing. I can always feel it the morning after a dance class, as a notable absence of stiffness. I have started using the belly dance stretches and moves whenever I remember, to remove tension from my lower back, hips, and also upper back. I have not noticed any change in weight or the fit of my jeans, but I feel stronger through my abdomen and other "core" areas. And it has helped me, to some degree, to deal with some of my feelings about my body. Being able to look at myself in the mirror, and have others look at me, while learning new moves (I'm not the most coordinated person I know), has been an interesting and positive experience.

As for friends, my dear friend Andrea very kindly kicked my butt the other day about my reluctance to let go of my "stuff". It is true, everywhere I go, I accumulate lots of "stuff", and for various reasons can't seem to get rid of things : feel guilty I bought it and never liked it enough to really wear it, someone gave it to me so I can't really give it away, I might need it some day, maybe my kids may want it some day...

She really challenged me to look at how I hold so tightly to stuff, and urged me to try to let go. So I have. In the first round of closet cleaning, I got rid of 47 shirts and pants from my closet, as well as a big pile of socks and undergarments, and about a dozen each from the two kids. Instead of my usual approach of looking for things I didn't want anymore, I threw everything out, and then only picked back the things which I quite surely would wear. The others were donated. I even found myself a pair of capri pants in time for our summer vacation at Otter Lake, so that was great timing. My daughter cleaned out two drawers of hair accessories which she doesn't use anymore, keeping only a few just in case.

On the second round of closet cleaning, I pulled about 9 more clothes from my closet, and 80 (!!) articles from my son's closet. It is much easier to get rid of his stuff, since he has a younger cousin to pass them along to.

Since then, I bought 4 more shirts for myself, similar to ones I already have and like and wear often. It was funny, they were all the same brand and style, but the price differed depending on the fabric design. I guess some were older stock, and others newer. I was proud of myself for buying the 4 which I liked the best, not the 4 which were the lowest price (which I might have done previously, and then not worn the couple which I didn't like as much). In the morning, I am able to pick clothes based on the temperature outside, and what I feel like wearing, rather than sifting through what I think fits or doesn't. It is a good feeling.

I am trying to do the same with items. I need to clean through books and other clutter which I am keeping for no good reason. My husband is also in a cleaning mood lately, and did a pretty good sweep through the office clutter the other day. Not too long ago, we spent a few hours pulling everything out of the shed, and placing back only the items we need or think we will use. That was gruelling, but since then I can actually walk through the shed, and pull tools off the back wall, without straining over the clutter on the floor. In his case, his clean up was prompted by his purchase of 3 ATVs for the family, which we have subsequently fit in the garage beside the 2 cars (in the area which was previously home to a lot of clutter).

I don't know how or if they are linked, but this external purging of clutter may be somehow related to my holding on to weight. I was reading a book during our trip (one of the few times of the year when I find myself actually sitting with a book in hand) about a 48 hour kick start to weight loss. The book explains how our body holds on to a large amount of excess water and fat as a means to protect ourself from toxins. And an excess of waste products since our liver and kidneys and other parts of our body are too fatigued and slow to process and remove them. Something like that. So it talks about what foods will boost the liver function, and help eliminate toxins and waste products, and what foods to avoid during this cleansing process, since they slow down digestion and elimination. Although I am not likely to dedicate a 48 hour period to doing something like this, I made notes on a little paper which I am carrying in my purse (I carry a small one, so I don't end up with too much in it!), so I can incorporate many of these ideas into my every day life.

One thing it explains is that if the body doesn't get enough water, it actually stores excess water to protect itself. So drinking more water will actually reduce water retention. It is recommended to drink 2 liters or more of water every day - 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after eating, but not during, so that it won't slow down the digestion process. And don't eat more often than 4 hours, since that adds more new food to the food already digesting, also slowing down the process. Interesting.

As for current weight, I am hovering at 6 to 9 pounds below my New Year's weight. I haven't hit the 10 pound mark yet. But I have a good feeling that I will be able to change my ways and "clean up the house" in that way also.

Struggling but Hopeful in All Areas

2011-06-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

In all areas, I am still struggling, but there are signs of hope.

At work, I have been completely overwhelmed, with losing one member of my team recently, and the remaining one on a 3 week vacation, and the management team deciding that two areas of the company need more attention, and both fall into my realm of responsibility. So I've hired a new employee who started Monday, so it's been even more crazy this week for me, trying to get her oriented with what she needs (good thing, at this point, that she is very independent) in the 1/2 hr or so I have each day between meetings. But I am feeling very hopeful that she will clear up the backlog (in this case, technical documentation) and then make good progress in improving the situation.

On the exercise front, I've been having a hard time getting back to cycling, since most nights I am working late after the kids go to bed (which is also getting later and later), and then too exhausted mentally to force myself to cycle. But on the hopeful side - actually the ecstatic side - I finally found a belly dance class for me and my 12 year old daughter. We attended our first class on Monday. It is mid way through a series of 10 beginner classes, but we joined it as a drop in. It is PERFECT. I have not done much dancing in my life, other than some square dancing and folk dancing, and one set of ballroom dance classes. I could give a speech in front of hundreds of people, but would be completely immobilized if I thought they were looking at my body. I used to be so self-conscious that when I was a teenager, and a charades would break out at a party, I would hide in the bathroom until they were over. I'm not much better now, I just have better ways of hiding.

Anyhow, the only "skinny" person in the class is my daughter. All the other ladies are more like me - when we wiggle our hips, plenty is jiggling also. Which is what belly dancing is all about. The instructor is super fun and friendly, and explains everything very well. A good half of the 1hr 15min session was devoted to deep stretches in the hips and legs and back. Each dance move started very slow and deliberate, then we brought it forward to a full speed. So even if I was left behind (which was actually rare!), I could still feel good that I had made very good progress. Not bad at all, since some of the ladies are on their third time through this set of beginner lessons.

When I awake in the middle of the night Monday, and visited the bathroom, I realized that my lower back was not stiff and sore like it almost always is. Amazing. I know that I have found the right place for me! My daughter also enjoyed the lessons, and our chance to do something together as just a girls night out.

It's funny, I've been looking for a belly dance class for some while now (although not intently). But when I stopped in Victoria with my husband on a three-night cruise three weeks ago, we discovered Cleopatra's Closet, and a wonderful selection of coin scarves and other belly dance costumes there. The owner was absolutely wonderful, and spent time helping me try on lots of them, trying to find a small one for my daughter, and a large one for me. Something pretty, and very jingly (it was interesting how they all had different sounds). We ended up finding and buying both. It was only after I got home that I opened the local paper, and saw a photo of our dance instructor doing belly dancing, and we tracked down her dance studio. So it was meant to be.

The photo is of my instructor Lisa, owner of the Ammara Dance Studio in New West, BC. Isn't she beautiful?

On the pain side, I have gone through too many rounds recently of being in pain in my neck and shoulder and right arm. The last couple of times, it was not an issue with the head/C1 alignment. Fortunately, my good friend Andrea was able to recommend another chiropractor, who was able to provide some relief from the knots I had gotten myself into. But it seemed like a pretty desperate state, to have 2 chiros and 1 massage therapist working on me (I was going to an appointment almost every week), and still not keeping me pain free. So finally I was forced to take one week off, to focus on relaxing and stretching, and limiting my time on the computer (I replied to emails on my Blackberry instead :-) ). That seemed to help. Now with the belly dance lessons, I am very hopeful that I should be able to keep pain free. This week I was fine right up until yesterday, when I was overwhelmed and pushed myself too hard, and now I'm feeling some warning signs again.

On the gardening side, I have made huge progress on cleaning up and making my garden even more fantastic than last year. So that has given me lots of hope, as well as exercise to counteract tension, and build some strength.

On the weight side, I am hovering at 6 - 8 pounds below my starting weight. My daughter is trying to help. Daddy has offered her $2 for every pound below the initial 3 pounds which I am by end of June. So her efforts have amounted to $6 - $10 so far. Poor girl. I have just not been able to give this the priority, with everything else going on. But I have not lost ground. So that is hopeful.

Shampoo vs. Dishwashing Liquid

2011-04-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

I may be struggling with my weight, but I have finally realized what my problem is.

When taking a shower, I often use the shampoo to lather myself. Yesterday I read what was written on the bottle : "For extra volume and body". No wonder it is so difficult to keep my weight under control. From now on I will instead use dishwashing liquid for showering, it claims : "Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove"!

Ha ha, if only it was that simple!

(I received this story and cartoon via email, so don't know who to give credit to.)

In my case, I am still working on it, but not hard. I have lost about 6 pounds since the start of the year. But I have other more significant issues. Like the ongoing neck problems, which now keeps my "pit crew" of 2 chiropractors and 1 massage therapist busy, and still I am in regular pain. I have finally come to the realization that it is my inability to cope with the stress of my current work situation that is the root of most of my issues. Thanks to some encouragement from a true friend, I am now taking steps - or at least planning what those steps are - to recreate a new position for myself which will be fulfilling, and not nearly as stressful.

I look forward to some positive changes in the next month or two. I hope in the process, I will learn how to take care of myself.

Yes, Still Cycling

2011-02-02T23:05:00.000-08:00

I'm really pleased with myself. I'm still cycling (on my stationary bike) the 4.5 km each night, and up to 6 km on some nights, if I start early enough. My husband, who is also my boss and father of my kids, is gone again this week. If all goes as planned, he should be back in time for my son's birthday party, so that he can drive my daughter and her friend to a church event. He wasn't here for her recent birthday party, although he made it for the family party the following day. But I can't feel sorry for myself. I am blessed with a wonderful family, and health, and good fortune. I just do my best, and that's all I can do.

I'm not losing any measurable weight, but then I haven't changed my eating habits much. Tonight I even broke into a box of chocolate truffles, although they were all quite awful (yes, I sampled nearly all the flavours, but cut many of them in half). Too sweet. I miss my Lindt chili bar, but haven't seen it on sale recently. I'll need to buy it anyhow, next time I see it. Or make another batch of my wickedly hot chili chocolate.

Still Cycling

2011-01-25T00:27:00.000-08:00

I may not have lost weight yet, but I'm still cycling my 4.5 km every night, while watching Netflix, and feeling stronger every time. Tonight my husband is still not home, after midnight, so I've cycled 6.5 km, and my legs are feeling warm, but not burning like they did when I first started my nightly cycling. In fact, I now look forward to the cycling. One night I watched a movie with my husband, and forgot to cycle, and I really missed it.

I joked to my daughter that with all my cycling, I may still be fat but eventually I'm going to have a tight bum instead of my big fat one. She doesn't appreciate my humour. I say it to amuse myself. I'm just happy that for now, I've found some sort of regular exercise.

My favourite exercise, gardening, is starting to become a possibility. It dumped snow only one week ago, but it snowed only 1 night, and has been warm and mostly rainy ever since. But any chance I get, like this weekend, I was out there clearing wheelbarrows full of clippings and dead plant material. With our lot of close to 1/3 acre covered largely by garden, it is easy to fill a wheelbarrow of plant material. I look forward to many more rain-free days to get out there and clean up, before Spring arrives in full force. It feels like it won't be much longer now.

No, the photo is not from this year, it was taken in March 2009. The cheery yellow crocus pushing up through the decaying Gunnera leaf is such a wonderful picture of early Spring, I think. I wish I had made a couple of attempts, and gotten a clearer shot. But it's still one of my favourite Spring shots.

2011 - A New Year

2011-01-16T20:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I entered 2011 at the same weight I entered 2010. So there is still much opportunity for improvement, and for finding more balance in my life.

Toward the end of last year, my husband challenged me to a contest. I forgot if it was to be the first one to lose 10 pounds, or what we said. Neither of us has lost any. But my 12-year-old daughter heard our conversation, and has since lost 14 pounds herself. Which is very impressive, since this is more than 10% of her body weight.

Before you freak out (which is what I would do, if I heard about a 12-year-old losing weight!), she is doing it the healthy way. Portion control. Eating the same good food (and lots of times, picking the healthier choice - like fresh fruit instead of baked goods), and just keeping the portions under control. She doesn't skip breakfast, or any of the other typically unhealthy or misguided "diet" activities.

So I am proud of her. Perhaps even inspired. We'll see. On the other hand, my husband is still travelling almost every week, and I am often overwhelmed at work. And it's rainy most days, so hard to enjoy any outdoor activities. I have been cycling 4.5 km almost every night on the stationary bike, while watching shows on Netflix. It's funny, but I don't feel as crazy hungry lately, as I usually do. So perhaps that it is a positive result of the nightly exercise.

I have cut back my work to 4 days per week, taking every Friday off. So far, most Fridays I've been tied up with meetings and such, interrupting my day. And I've recently hired a housekeeper for 2 hours a week (Fridays), and although I'm happy for the help, since she comes at noon, it splits up the day, and keeps me tied to the house. I've got to figure out how to take hold of those Fridays, and making that time useful. Perhaps by doing some regular exercise. Or indulging my artistic side. Or connecting with friends and family. Or just organizing and "de-junking" the house, to feel better about living here.

At this point, I have no real idea of how to proceed, but as I find any inspiration or success, I'll be sure to share it. And please share any of your own inspiration or successes with me. All the best to everyone in your own resolutions for healthier living in 2011. This is the year. Let's do it!

Feeling Sorry for Myself

2010-11-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

I am not currently living or eating a healthy lifestyle. Generally, I am feeling sorry for myself. For my work being quite overwhelming nearly all the time. For my husband leaving me again, this time on a three week trip half way around the world, leaving me to tend to the kids, house, cars (air care & insurance renewal for him by tomorrow!), business, ... On top of it, he was suggesting we spend some time together Saturday, and even though I didn't have much expectations after him returning from a long trip with lots of intense meetings and a reverse time zone to contend with, I was still disappointed to get the email from the travel agent (that's how I find out about his trips, since he doesn't seem to find time to tell me himself) that he had extended his trip another day, and would only return Saturday. So any plans we could have had are now off.

At this point, I am just surviving. With my lists of things to do each day, like renew the insurance before it expires, return library books by the due date, buy milk before we run out, ... I think I'll cycle 1 km on the stationary bike tonight. At midnight, I am too tired, but I think I'll feel better sleeping after some sort of activity. The "good" think about not cycling much recently, is that it takes much less time to wear myself out doing it. Sad but true.

I apologize to Dorothy and others seeking inspiration from my shared experiences. Thanks for your encouragement, and I hope to be an inspiration again soon. Once I stop feeling sorry for myself.

Not Much Progress

2010-08-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

The mid-summer attempt to revive my efforts at healthier and lighter living resulted in my dropping as much as 5 pounds from my peak weight. So I'm now hovering 4 or 5 pounds below. But not living a healthy lifestyle.

I have been eating fresh tortilla salads for lunch most days for a couple of weeks now. So by the afternoon, I'm hungry again for the "after school" snack. But dinners have been convenience foods: hot dogs, hamburgers, pizza, etc. I have been quite exhausted in every way for weeks now, since I haven't had any really good opportunity to sleep and recover on the weekends, and I have been fighting a cough for more than two weeks now, which is zapping my energy. Not to mention, the busy lifestyle, quite a lot of uncertainty and pressure at work, husband still spending long hours at work, and travelling often.

We are going away for a week, starting Sunday. So we'll see if I can rest and regain my desire for healthy living, or whether the break and time with the entire family together will just accentuate my frustration when we return back to our busy work life afterward. I wish I was looking forward to the trip, but I don't feel I've had time for that. Last night I took the kids shopping for runners and soccer shoes for Back to School, and tonight we shopped for school supplies. One of these nights I'll need to do laundry, so we'll have enough clothes to pack for the trip. And I need to phone to get more details about the cabin. I think I'll be relieved when we finally arrive there, and just have time to "chill".

I hope my neck holds out, it was giving me trouble today. I suspect I would benefit from another massage, but don't know if I want to spend the time, or hope that I can relax and exercise, and it will get better on its own.

Back at the Beginning Again

2010-07-14T00:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, half way through the year, I am back to my starting weight. Trying to get the resolve to live more healthy, and care for myself. I think I'm just about ready to start again.

Yesterday, I was talking with a friend at work about how hard it is for a mom to really care for herself, and get enough exercise. That night, my husband, who decided he should lose 20 pounds, challenged me to lose 20 pounds also, and see who could get there first. I wasn't sure I was up to the challenge, but it sparked my resolve enough that I cycled 2 km on the stationary bike. First time in a long time, and it felt good.

Tonight he forced the family (we otherwise would rather just kill time in the house, maybe at the computer, or in the yard) to go out cycling. We tried a new path, apparently it is about 10 km around Burnaby Lake. After following the bicycle signs which led us along the side of the road with cars and trucks passing us (even with a bike lane marked in the asphalt, that's no fun!), we turned in toward the park, and cycled along the walking path. Although the sign showed no bikes allowed on the path, there was almost nobody there (we passed less than 10 people the whole night), and it was very wide and safe. Too bad, since it would otherwise be a good place to cycle. Much better than taking our children back cycling on the roadside again.

I think we were cycling for about 2 hours, with very few breaks. So that was good exercise. Now I just need to work on breaking the bad eating habits, and improving my food choices. Soon I'll be back on track again, and feeling better about myself.

I have to say, my husband may be working too many evenings and travelling way too often (he leaves again tomorrow morning), but I should be thankful that when he's home he spends a lot of time with the family (at least the kids - I always feel I need more one-on-one), and does get us off our collective butts to explore and enjoy our city, and get some exercise. I have a good man. I just wish I had some more "alone time" with him.

Back to Square One

2010-06-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling quite discouraged lately. Although I had that one wonderful week with my husband on our anniversary cruise, he has been travelling for work ever since. A couple of days before our cruise, he realized that his passport had less than 6 months left on it, and he would need that for his China VISA. So he rushed a new passport, with me picking it up for him the afternoon before we left. Then after our return, he was gone to Atlanta for a week, returning on the weekend with 2 working days to rush his China VISA (leaving me to find out the details while he was gone), then he's been off to Guam, the Philippines, Shanghai and Beijing for these two weeks, returning this weekend for less than 24 hours to do laundry and repack for a week in Panama. After that, I have no clue what else he has planned.

So I am feeling pretty abandoned, left to maintain the household and a normal life for our two kids, work full-time (with lots of frustrations at work currently, and my "boss" out of town so I don't even have someone to talk to about it), and making arrangements for the summer - day camps for the kids, etc.

I received the call that our new family room furniture (a set of La-Z-Boy sofas/chairs) had arrived, but I can't get myself to arrange for the delivery. Fridays are the only days I am working from home, so could take the delivery. I would need to move things to make room for it, and figure out how to put felt or other appropriate padding under it, to avoid damaging our hardwood floors. A bit more than I feel I can take on at the moment. I think he'll be hoping to see it when he returns, but I feel overwhelmed whenever I start thinking about it.

We have some plumbing issues I should find a plumber to look at. A few electrical things - at least I have called an electrician before, so I think I can call him back. But again, only Fridays.

Some days I have only my faith in God and the hope that things will one day be better, and my garden to take out my frustrations upon. I went out after work today, and heaped up a whole wheelbarrow full of weeds. That felt really good. Especially that it rained soon after, making the feeling that I had seized that opportunity all the sweeter.

In terms of health, I am not cooking (unless you count hot dogs or hamburgers on the BBQ), a lot of evenings I can't stand being alone here, so go to the mall for dinner with the kids. Working late, or some nights feeling too darn tired to work late, so enjoying the experiences of my fellow garden bloggers, but staying up too late also. I can't seem to get myself motivated to cycle, even though I know I'd feel better for it. At least I am exhausting myself some evenings in the garden.

My weight is pretty much back up to the New Year's level. So I will need to find some resolve, maybe read my postings from early this year, to inspire myself to take care of my body, and bring it back into a healthy balance. I know I need to do it.

I'm Not Saying at the Moment

2010-05-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

We had a wonderful 7 night cruise, and I saw more of my husband in that week than I have for probably the last six months - in a good way. Stayed up late. Slept in. Ate lots of good food. We also went on two very enjoyable hikes in Alaska (see photos).

My husband came back, and weighed in at 1/2 a pound LESS than when he left!! That's just plain weird to me. Even though he was my eating conscience ("Do you really need that?"), I still ended up gaining back a few pounds on the trip, although still a bit under my New Years weight. So I will need to get back my earlier resolve to take my health seriously, in terms of eatings, exercise, reducing stress...

The good news is that I have been relatively pain free lately. Even after the hikes, I had some pain in my left foot (plantar fasciitis), but it didn't last too long, and didn't affect my activities. I do need to be careful about getting enough sleep, and I think that has been an issue lately, and has negatively affected my mood and enthusiasm in the last couple of days.

The other good news is that I have much to be thankful for. I am not a TV watcher, but I stumbled across some photos of contestants on "The Biggest Loser", and tonight I am thankful that I have not been challenged with weight as these people have. I am also encouraged by their dramatic weight losses. I've never seen the show (although I've heard lots of references to it), but it is encouraging to see that when a person is determined, anything is possible.

Now I'm determined to get to bed before midnight, and "cycle" at least 1 km before I do so. 'Night!

7 LB and Heading to a Cruise

2010-05-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I leave for a 7 night cruise to Alaska, round trip from Vancouver. If I had a moment to think about it, I would be looking forward to it, but the last week - or maybe year - has been so hectic, I have been struggling to keep up, never mind look forward to anything.

Recently I have been stepping on the scales, and I am still down from my dismal New Years weight, but struggling. Healthy eating and living has not been my highest priority lately. But I'm hoping that some time away, to get more sleep, and actually spend time with my husband, may give me a fresh perspective, and more positive outlook. Both of us are hoping to get both sleep and exercise on the cruise. So hopefully we can counteract the effect of an abundance of good food. Wish me luck. :-)

7.5 LBS in 90 DAYS

2010-03-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I want to thank everyone who has encouraged me through a difficult time, when I felt like I hit a "bump in the road" and my efforts were "derailed". I still feel like I'm struggling to get my resolve together, but your kind words, prayers and thoughts have really touched me and have given me hope. It helps so much to hear other people who have been through similar and much greater challenges, to keep perspective, and to see the positive.

When I weighed myself this morning - actually, I've been peeking all month, but I'm determined to stop that now - I was up 3 pounds from one month ago. But that is still 7.5 pounds down since the New Year, which is really quite encouraging, considering how discouraged I've been at times during this past month.

Although I am temporarily doing less than I had set out to do, I am still able to celebrate that I'm still holding true (for the most part) to the eating-related ones:

1) Water at meals - I've been pretty good & consistent with this one. Hurray!

2) More grainy breakfasts. I have also been pretty good about this, eating hot oatmeal on my "good" mornings, and some sort of grainy sandwich on days when I feel I need a hot chocolate to get started (I am not a coffee drinker, so this is my occasional caffeine boost).

3) Wait until 12noon for lunch. Ditto. Doing pretty good with this one.

4) Eat lots more fruits and vegetables. Also pretty good. Today I ate cauliflower & carrot sticks with an artichocke dip, and a banana. Other days, I only try to include a fruit or veggie - raw if I can, but I am still consciously trying in this area.

In the bicycling area, I've dropped from my early enthusiasm of 5 km, to only 1 km per night, but am fairly consistent about it, maybe 5 or 6 nights per week.

On the pain front, I have had some improvements. I will go into more detail in future posts, but I am hopeful that there is a permanent trend here.

So generally, I think I'm back on track now, at least going in the right direction. I think that justifies my choice of a rainbow, with credit to author Oren neu dag in the Wikimedia Commons.

Thanks again to all who are following along and encouraging me along this journey. If anyone else reads this blog and finds inspiration from it, or has any experiences to share, I would love to hear from you. Even if a short note. Thanks so much.

Hanging On - Barely

2010-03-16T23:55:00.000-07:00

This month has been quite hard for me. I have felt quite overwhelmed at work, with no obvious signs of it getting better any time soon. The pain in my neck and arm persisted despite 3 chiropractic adjustments. My husband is back to travelling nearly every week, returning on weekends, so I feel some sense of abandonment, and no sign of his lifestyle changing any time soon. My daughter got sick during Spring Break last week - thankfully she recovered quite well, with only a cough persisting now.

With regards to the neck, I am quite a bit better now - able to sleep pretty much the whole night - but still have tingling in my right hand fairly often during the day. Last Friday, I went for a check up, and my chiro told me that my "measurements" looked good, so it should be a matter of time, and I should be back to "normal", I hope.

Somehow even in the darkest time (which was probably days after the 3rd treatment when I was still in pain) I had some sort of faith that God would not leave me in that condition, of ongoing chronic neck and arm pain. But during this round of treatments, I came to realize that may not always be quick relief, and maybe this condition is something I will have as a continual reminder in my life of my own human frailty. In some way, I am thankful for this experience. I have known people who suffered from chronic pain, and as a person who has always had good health, and very little accidents or grief of any sort, I can't say I could ever really feel for what they were going through. Maybe in some way it was "good" for me to experience some pain, if for nothing else, to be able to feel more compassion for others who are not so fortunate. In some ways, I hope I am a kinder and more understanding person. I certainly wasn't at the time I was suffering - I found myself being fairly impatient by the end of the work day, when the pain was quite noticeable.

As for my eating habits, I have slipped from my earlier resolve, and have often resorted to chocolate and ice cream and other foods to comfort myself. Recently I stocked up some 7 or 8 flavours of ice cream in the freezer (yes, it is a very large upright freezer, and a significant portion of it right now is filled with ice cream and convenience foods!), so it is harder to resist at the moment.

I did get back on the stationary bike a few times, but I'm pretty exhausted by the time I finish work, then "unwind" with reading blogs. So for now I'm just hanging on to the memory of what I could achieve when I had the resolve to do more. And trying to hang onto the 10 pounds weight loss - I think I've gained back a couple, but I'm still well ahead of where I was at New Year's.

It's lonely out here in this blog, and I want to thank Dorothy for her consistent, kind comments to me. A little bit of encouragement goes a long way right now, while I am trying to build up my resolve and confidence to challenge and improve my lifestyle again.

10.5 LB IN 59 DAYS

2010-03-01T23:05:00.000-08:00

The weight is still heading in the right direction, generally. But the last part of February I was somewhat derailed from my objectives. I won't go into detail, but we went through some very stressful times at work. I think we're through the worst of it now. Somehow really deep inside I had a feeling that God was in control, and it would work out okay, which it appears to be the case now, but at the time it was still really tough.

I was a bit unfocussed at work, but pushing myself too hard at the same time. So my cycling routine at night suffered. I skipped quite a few nights, and dropped to 1.5 or 2.5 km on the other nights, instead of the 5 km which I was managing to do previously.

Then a few weeks ago, I managed to put my neck out of alignment (see my previous incident) by trying to prune some branches of my butterfly bush which were too high and too thick for my garden shears. Good thing I recognized the signs right away (this time, it was a burning sensation on the back right side of my neck, the pain didn't progress into the arm), and I had it adjusted. But I think I was too confident and impatient, and didn't rest enough to let my body recover. Instead, I ended up in pain again within a few days, and needed a second adjustment. I think this time I am doing better, but I need to be careful, and listen to my body.

I have started going into the office most days, instead of working from home. So it's been a few weeks since my housekeeper (who was coming 2 hours per week to vacuum the house and wipe down bathroom counters and sinks) has come. My daughter has vacuumed a couple of times since, but it feels like I'm falling behind. Even the fridge door handle broke yesterday. Good thing I was able to order a replacement, and it's just a matter of time. But one more thing to deal with.

On the pet side, even my goldfish, which have been very healthy and growing steadily for about a year and a half (see aquarium blog), have been acting strange, huddled in the bottom corner of the tank. Then two of them died within the last week. Just before that, I lost our pleco too. I suspect it is an imbalance in the water, from my erratic maintenance. Now I don't know if I should do more frequent water changes, or whether that will upset the situation even more.

I'm still trying to cling to the few things which were working for me. Like keeping more natural foods (fruits, veggies, nuts) around, so when I get frustrated and eat (I've been losing that battle lately), I'll at least be able to add some good foods to the chocolates and other snacks which I find.

Hopefully I'm through the worst of it now. I need to learn to take it one step at a time, listen to and care for my body, and go back to doing the good things I have been learning recently.

Good thing Spring is starting here (my allergies have finally kicked in today), and I will be able to spend a bit more time in the garden, which is the one place where I am truly at peace, and can exercise hard without ever feeling like it is a chore. As long as I don't trying pruning any more overhead branches for a while.

Raw Pumpkin Soup

2010-02-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

In my journey toward better health and body weight, I am again inspired by Melissa of Empress of Dirt. She had a post recently which linked to Foods for Long Life, and a testimonial by a man who went on a raw foods diet for 41 days, and lost 27 pounds, lowered his cholesterol, triglycerides, and fasting blood sugar. Quite a radical transformation. It got me curious, what this "raw food diet" was all about.

I was intrigued by a few of the vegan recipes on the site, including the raw zucchini spaghetti and walnut meatballs and the raw pumpkin soup. Look at this photo from the pumpkin soup recipe post:

I wouldn't have thought it was "safe" to eat pumpkin raw, but the photo looked good enough to give it a try.

So today, for lunch, I cut up the small hand-sized pumpkin which I still have from Hallowe'en (those little guys seem to last forever!), saved the seeds (maybe planting, maybe just for the hamster), and blended it with a 250 ml apple juice, and a small piece of garlic. That's it. I didn't even add any of the other ingredients. And it was really tasty. Slightly sweet, but tangy from the garlic. The texture, which I thought would be gritty or stringy, was actually quite pleasant. Not too unlike cooked pumpkin, but there was a sort of "freshness" to it (even if it has sat on our counter for a long time now!) that was really refreshing.

Funny thing, I had it for lunch (it made a single bowl), and I was good until 3PM, when the kids come home, and I snack with them. It felt really good in the tummy, and I only tasted the garlic for some time after - although I can't complain about that, I love the taste of garlic.

Ever since her post at the end of January, I have been trying to inject more raw fruits and veggies into my diet, and somehow I feel better for it. Nothing radical, but a few more bowel movements than previously, and I think that must be a good thing, generally. And if nothing else, feeling good about myself trying to do something good for myself.

Not to say I'm not also eating way too many chips from the many birthday parties recently (see here and here), but I'm glad they're gone very soon, and I won't be tempted. And not to say I don't sneak the occasional chocolate from the pantry, but at least I'm finally taking small but concrete steps toward taking a bit more care about my body. At least from the eating side.

From the lifestyle and aiming for pain-free, I still have a ways to go. But that's a topic for another day.

6 LB in 31 DAYS

2010-02-04T21:48:00.000-08:00

As I suspected, once I stepped on the scales, I was tempted several times to step on them again. Which is generally discouraging, and distracting at best (since the numbers seem to bounce up and down a lot). So I weighed myself at end of January, was generally pleased with my 6 lb loss for the month, and am trying to stay off the scales now until the end of February.

I am doing pretty good at drinking only water with meals, and doing very little "reactionary" eating. Although I am doing some "idle" eating, since there are chips and snacks left over on the counter from the family birthday last weekend. But when I did, I tried to stick with the leftover fruit and veggies as much as possible, and when I ate chips, piled them high with "fresh" salsa.

The bicycling is coming along fairly well, since it is a good way to relax at night before going to bed. I'll probably only do 2.5 km again tonight, since I'm very tired.

5.5 LB in 21 DAYS

2010-01-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

In a moment of weakness, I stepped on the scales last night, to just peek at whether I've truly lost weight this month. Happily, my suspicions were supported by some hard evidence - I was down 5.5 pounds from my New Years weight. So this is definitely more than some minor variation in my weight. There is progress on this goal.

I don't have any BEFORE and AFTER photos yet, since both of them would look like a BEFORE photo, but I'm happy to post the headline anyhow.

I got to thinking, the only other time I actually set out and tried to lose weight, and succeeded to lose about 10 pounds in a couple of months, was when I was in high school or early university. At the time, I was frustrated that the only skirts or dresses I could wear were the ones with big flaired skirts. I love those, but I also wished that for once I could actually wear a more straight business skirt.

My successful diet at that time was very simple. Eat only one plate at dinnertime, and eat only popcorn after that, if I still felt hungry. Back then, I would routinely go back for "seconds" and "thirds" at dinnertime. I was always hungry (or so it seemed), and my mom would encourage us to try to "finish up" the food. So I was happy to do my part. So the single plate policy worked. I lost the 10 pounds, and my reward was that I bought a beautiful raw silk (rough textured) skirt. It was royal blue, and I absolutely loved the skirt, and the way it made me look and feel. I bought a blouse that was cream coloured, with blue and black stars on it, which looked great with the royal blue skirt. I wish I had a photo handy, I would post one.

The funny thing is, that my weight at that time was about 100 pounds less than what it is now. So I have much more potential for weight loss now, since there is so much more of it available. But I don't dare make any specific goals for weight loss. I am trying to take it one day at a time, and focus on my eating & exercise habits, and improving my lifestyle generally, in a way that I will continue to feel better about myself.
P.S. The photo is not mine (although I wish I were only 115 pounds!), I found it on the internet.

A Better Person

2010-01-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

I am still resisting the urge to step on the scales. So I don't know how much progress, if any, I've made in losing weight. But I am already feeling better about myself, and also feel that in some ways I am a better person.

I remember trying to hard to minimize trips up and down our stairs. But now I see these as opportunity for more exercise. So I feel more positive about having to go back upstairs for yet one more item we forgot, or going out to retrieve the garbage can.... It is funny, but I saw this very vividly in my daughter when the teacher strapped a pedometer on the class for a few nights last week & over the weekend, and gave them a goal of 15,000 steps per night. My daughter suddenly volunteered for all sorts of exercise, and was anxious to finish dinner to start walking again, and was talking about where we could go to do more walking.

I am doing pretty good about the eating. Water at meals, most of the time. Instead of eating again at night, I am cycling and sucking a water bottle. My husband commented a few nights ago that he has noticed my "discipline" lately. I used to eat ice cream with him late at night. I stopped offering the kids 2 or 3 flavours of ice cream as snack after school. They seem to be fine finding other snacks which are less tempting to me.

I have tried to keep lots of fruits on hand, and the kids - or at least my daughter - is pretty good about joining me in enjoying it. I've tried to keep it interesting, with different kinds of fruits. We bought some watermelon on the weekend for my daughter's "beach" birthday party.

I have not yet been able to incorporate a stretching / exercise program into my schedule. But I try to do some stretching as I get out of bed, and while in the shower. It seems to be helping. Although I have a stiff neck today, so I'll need to figure out how to step up this part.

I have dropped down from my initial 5 km cycle, to a pretty consistent 2.5 km each night. At that point, I am hot, sweaty, and breathing pretty deeply. So it is good. I can feel more energy in my cycling lately, and I fall more quickly into a good regular pattern. I don't feel so awkward sitting on the bike. I'm still going about 10 km/hr, which means my 2.5 km is about 15 minutes long.

In my imagination, my jeans feel a bit looser around my thighs. It's more likely my imagination than any real change, but it has helped me think more positively about keeping this up, and alse helped me in thinking good about myself. I think this is what will ultimately decide whether I can keep this going, to make a permanent change to my lifestyle and eating patterns. Because I want to be a better person.

Diet Changes

2010-01-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

Today has been the most challenging day so far in my mission. My husband left last night just before midnight, on a one week business trip to Asia. He had less than 2 hours to pack, after meeting with an investor in our home that same night. Even though he's not home many evenings, suddenly it feels really lonely here, knowing that he's not even coming home late tonight. With his absence, and the pressure of two birthdays (three parties) to plan, and Christmas stuff to put away, and not having anything in particular to look forward to or enjoy working on, this afternoon I found myself doing some reactionary (bored, nervous) eating.

That is the biggest challenge I've given myself. To stick to eating when hungry. To eat meals, and some deliberate snacks, but not to just grab at food since I'm bored or nervous or just happen to be passing by.

So far, the changes I'm trying to make a regular part of my life are:

1) Water at meals, no more juice (except special occasions, or special juices). Perhaps milk on occasion.
2) More grainy breakfasts. Hot or cold oatmeal, or grainy breads, but not the sweet white buns and cakes we've been buying too often at the many good Asian bakeries we have here.
3) Wait until 12noon for lunch. I've been known to eat lunch as early as 10 or 10:30am, in which case I'm hungry and snacking a couple more times before dinner. This change, I've been holding to surprisingly well.
4) Eat lots more fruits and vegetables. When we returned from our trip, I bought a lot of good fruits (apples, oranges, persimmons, kumquats, cherries) and among other things, a big bag of those delicious sugar snap peas, which are so wonderful stir-fried with garlic. So I've been adding these to my meals, and using the fruits for snacks. I even bought a spaghetti squash (to use instead of pasta), and cooked up a tasty tomato sauce for it (actually, I didn't have tomato sauce to use as a base, so used a smaller amount of ketchup, and found a can of kidney beans in the pantry, so it ended up being more of a sweet chili sauce, but very delicious). That made a few good meals.

So other than this afternoon's stumbling, I think I've been pretty good at eating more natural foods, more regularly, and in more controlled portions.

Funny thing, what I crave most is being able to step on the scales. Which is something I am determined to hold off until the end of the month. But it has proven to be much harder than I imagined. I've previously made it a bad habit to step on the scales almost every day, if not multiple times.

If I have lost some weight, then I could become too complacent, or lose my motivation. If I have not lost, or have gained, then I could become discouraged. So I am determined not to step on them yet. Perhaps I should move them out of the bathroom for a while, so I don't see them.

It's 11pm, but I am still planning to do a 5 km cycle tonight, and then will head to bed.

For others out there on a similar mission, I'd love to hear some of your strategies, and progress.

Exercise Routines

2010-01-06T21:11:00.000-08:00

I am trying to introduce some sustainable level of exercise into my current lifestyle.

For the first 4 days of the year, we were on vacation in a wonderful snowy cabin on a frozen lake. My mother-in-law wakes up very early, so she took care of breakfast for the kids, so we could sleep in late. It was wonderful.

On the rare times I have a chance to sleep in, I have a habit of waking up at my usual 7:30 anyhow, going to the washroom, and then going back to bed. Usually I can't sleep much longer, since my back gets stiff. So I tried instead staying up and doing some stretching exercises for half an hour, and then going back to sleep. It worked wonderfully, and got rid of the stiff back problem.

I tried all the moves I could remember from the "stretch and strength" class I attended a few times with my Mom when I was a teenager (which is more than 20 years ago). The focus is on improving flexibility, but with a mild cardio workout (I get warm, and breath deeper, at least).

During the day, there was also lots of opportunities for exercise : cross-country skiing, shovelling snow off the ice so the kids could skate, going for walks.

Now since I've returned to my regular life at home, I haven't really figured out how I will continue. My alarm wakes me up at 7:30, and I don't have strong motivation to wake up any earlier than that to exercise. Especially when I go to bed at 1:30 the previous night!

So the last 2 days I've instead switched to my 30 minute, 5 km stationary bike ride at night, keeping my husband company as he watches a bit of TV to unwind at the end of a long day. Maybe I'll try to also fit in some walking at lunch time, on occasion.

The Decision

2010-01-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

I don't do diets.

And I don't (generally) do New Years Resolutions.

But this year I finally decided that enough is enough, and it is about time I rescue the person trapped within this current body.

My objectives this year will be:

Lose Weight - I am not ready to give a specific number, but let's just say that some 11+ years ago when I got pregnant, I was already carrying some unnecessary weight on my hips and thighs. Then I gained 50 pounds with the pregnancy. Two kids and too many years of excess eating and too little exercise later, I am now above my peak pregnancy weight. So I'm carrying even more weight now, and don't even have a baby to show for it.

Increase Flexibility - I'm tired of struggling to tie my boots, and being frustrated when the kids forgot something upstairs, and I need to go back, and then re-tie the boots. Being able to touch my toes again would help in everyday life.

Increase Stamina - I remember before the kids were born, going on 8 hour hikes with my husband, with little difficulty (except a knee which used to give me some trouble on the downhill sections). But lately I'm out of breath walking the two blocks uphill to school.

Become Pain Free - More on this in later posts.

Kick-Start my Thyroid - When I didn't seem to be losing weight after my daughter was born, my doctor diagnosed my hypothyroidism, and I've been on Synthroid ever since (although slowly reducing dosage over the years). God willing, I'd like to kick-start my own thyroid function, and eliminate the need for the Synthroid altogether.

I don't have a real detailed plan of attack yet, but here are some initial guidelines I've set out for myself. I hope to expand on my strategies as I learn and continue along this journey:

Find a sustainable exercise program - Something which is not too onerous and will fit into my lifestyle, but will build up some flexibility and endurance.

Introduce natural foods - More fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. It is said that the more you can recognize where a food comes from, the more healthy it is.

Learn what hunger really feels like - Much of my eating recently, probably half of it, is "reactionary" eating - in response to stress, or frustration, or just because I see it, and can reach it (i.e. the infamous "see food" diet). I suppose I don't really know what hunger actually feels like, since often after I eat, I still think I'm "hungry".

Stay off the scales - This radical idea was inspired by Melissa of Empress of Dirt. I've been following along her 30 day fitness program since Nov 10, 2009 (actively at first, until I got sick, and sort of fell off the wagon - or in my case, the stationary bike). Melissa has been measuring progress in "strength and clothing changes". Funny thing, when I read this, I immediately recognized that my reaction to stepping on the scales is almost always to gain more weight. So I've decided to only let myself step on them once at the end of each month.

Be patient - Since I've been building up weight over years of neglect and overeating, the change will not be quick. It is a long-term commitment to live healthier, and take better care of my body. Thus the blog. Since it will help to keep me on track, or at least feel accountable if I derail. A big Thank You to any who have followed me here from my garden blog. I hope I will inspire you also to join me on the journey to better health. Please share your stories with me, since it will also inspire me to continue.